Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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