Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
