You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
