for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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