He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
