Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
