why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
