i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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