Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
