This girl is more easily done than said...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
