Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize