I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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