it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
