Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
