so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
