are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
