goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
