i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
