My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
