It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
