also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
