yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The air taste purple.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
