R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
