What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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