He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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