matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
