this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
