I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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