So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
no you cant smoke seaweed
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize