I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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