My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
