I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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