Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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