I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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