i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
pray to the hookup gods
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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