Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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