i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
