Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
