My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
look no pants
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
