I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
