I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
