Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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