he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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