Will you blow on my dice?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am available for nakedness
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
