Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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