We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
