According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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