If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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