I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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