so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
