please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
