i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't deserve a penis
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
