used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
