Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
