its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Barsexuality is the new black.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
