hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
