Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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