And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
