Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
