I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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