Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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