The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
