Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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