Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
