last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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