making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
