why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize