I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You took a bar mat shot.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize