hotel room ftw
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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