drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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