I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
